I have been thinking a lot the past few days about someone whom I did not know very well, but someone who just 5 months ago appeared happy, healthy, and full of life. Someone who had so much more life to live. Someone who's mother was not yet ready to say goodbye to her son. I am referring to my 3rd cousin, Mike. At just 41 years old, God decided that it was time to call him home. No one knows what happened or why it happened the last I heard. One minute he was fine, and the next minute he was gone. How do you make peace with something like that? Like I said, I didn't know him well, but I did see him back in July when I was visiting my dad's cousin (my 2nd cousin I guess that would make her). Apparently he knew me when I was little, but I didn't remember him. We all had a great evening. We drank wine and he grilled steaks for my dad and me. He taught my son that it's not a good idea to put your finger on a light bulb for too long because it might burn it. Well, he taught him that because he kept telling him to stop touching the light, but of course Hunter wouldn't listen. Finally, when his finger got burned by the light, he realized that Mike knew what he was talking about. Hunter really liked him. He talked about Mike even after we were gone. Never in a million years would I have thought that just 5 months later, he would be gone.
I can only imagine what his mother must be going through. Who wants to outlive your child? That's not the way it's supposed to be. We are supposed to grow old and watch our children grow up into successful adults, then WE are the ones that are supposed to walk into the great beyond when it is our time. Not them. I feel like my purpose in life is to make Hunter into the best person he can be. That's what meaning God has for my life. Maybe there is more, maybe there is not, but either way I am happy if that is the total extent of my purpose in life. I don't ever want to hurt him, but I know that the way it's supposed to be is that one day, I will go home with God and Hunter will be left to live out his life without me. He will raise children of his own (hopefully) and so the cycle of life will continue. I stopped for one second and thought, what would I do if something ever happened to my child?
I think the world would stop. I think my life would be shattered and I would never be able to pick up the pieces. No matter how old he gets to be, he will always be my child. A part of me. I think a part of me would die with him if something ever happened. It's almost too painful to even think about. I know that God has his own plan for our lives and we can never, or should never, question Him, but what if God's plan takes us by suprise? Like in this situation? I believe the only way to survive it would be to know that God must have had a plan. He must have needed Mike for something very special up there. He must have needed him more than the people on Earth did. I guess it's hard to think that God could need him more than his own mother, but considering God is the Father of all creation and all things, I guess that does make Him pretty important too. So wherever heaven is, I hope that Mike is enjoying his new life at the side of God. I pray that his mother finds peace in knowing that he is in his heavenly home now. And I pray that God gives her comfort and strength to get through this. She is strong, but even the strongest could use a little help now and then.
One thing I have taken from this situation is that no matter what happens over the course of the day, I will hug Hunter and tell him every chance I get that I love him. I start every day with a hug and a kiss and an "I love you." We end each night with a prayer, a kiss, and another "I love you." I don't ever want him going to sleep thinking that I don't love him because I couldn't love anyone more. So anyone reading this, hug your children a little tighter tonight and tell them "I love you" one more time because we are not promised tomorrow. Live for today.
-SS
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