We are not promised tomorrow...

I have been thinking a lot the past few days about someone whom I did not know very well, but someone who just 5 months ago appeared happy, healthy, and full of life. Someone who had so much more life to live. Someone who's mother was not yet ready to say goodbye to her son. I am referring to my 3rd cousin, Mike. At just 41 years old, God decided that it was time to call him home. No one knows what happened or why it happened the last I heard. One minute he was fine, and the next minute he was gone. How do you make peace with something like that? Like I said, I didn't know him well, but I did see him back in July when I was visiting my dad's cousin (my 2nd cousin I guess that would make her). Apparently he knew me when I was little, but I didn't remember him. We all had a great evening. We drank wine and he grilled steaks for my dad and me. He taught my son that it's not a good idea to put your finger on a light bulb for too long because it might burn it. Well, he taught him that because he kept telling him to stop touching the light, but of course Hunter wouldn't listen. Finally, when his finger got burned by the light, he realized that Mike knew what he was talking about. Hunter really liked him. He talked about Mike even after we were gone. Never in a million years would I have thought that just 5 months later, he would be gone.

I can only imagine what his mother must be going through. Who wants to outlive your child? That's not the way it's supposed to be. We are supposed to grow old and watch our children grow up into successful adults, then WE are the ones that are supposed to walk into the great beyond when it is our time. Not them. I feel like my purpose in life is to make Hunter into the best person he can be. That's what meaning God has for my life. Maybe there is more, maybe there is not, but either way I am happy if that is the total extent of my purpose in life. I don't ever want to hurt him, but I know that the way it's supposed to be is that one day, I will go home with God and Hunter will be left to live out his life without me. He will raise children of his own (hopefully) and so the cycle of life will continue. I stopped for one second and thought, what would I do if something ever happened to my child?

I think the world would stop. I think my life would be shattered and I would never be able to pick up the pieces. No matter how old he gets to be, he will always be my child. A part of me. I think a part of me would die with him if something ever happened. It's almost too painful to even think about. I know that God has his own plan for our lives and we can never, or should never, question Him, but what if God's plan takes us by suprise? Like in this situation? I believe the only way to survive it would be to know that God must have had a plan. He must have needed Mike for something very special up there. He must have needed him more than the people on Earth did. I guess it's hard to think that God could need him more than his own mother, but considering God is the Father of all creation and all things, I guess that does make Him pretty important too. So wherever heaven is, I hope that Mike is enjoying his new life at the side of God. I pray that his mother finds peace in knowing that he is in his heavenly home now. And I pray that God gives her comfort and strength to get through this. She is strong, but even the strongest could use a little help now and then.

One thing I have taken from this situation is that no matter what happens over the course of the day, I will hug Hunter and tell him every chance I get that I love him. I start every day with a hug and a kiss and an "I love you." We end each night with a prayer, a kiss, and another "I love you." I don't ever want him going to sleep thinking that I don't love him because I couldn't love anyone more. So anyone reading this, hug your children a little tighter tonight and tell them "I love you" one more time because we are not promised tomorrow. Live for today.

-SS

A Scary Day

November 30, 2011....a routine day for most people. I woke up at 2:30am with a very nervous husband that was to go in for surgery at 7am to repair an umbilical hernia. Now, from everyone we had talked to up until this point, the surgery is fairly routine and there are rarely any complications. Still, he was nervous. I was nervous for him, but tried to reassure him constantly that he would be just fine. I think I prevented myself from being nervous because I was so focused on him. My dad came to the house around 6:15am so that we could leave for the surgery center. It was time.

We got there and they took Stevenb ack within no time. They prepped him and gave him his IV, then let me come back to sit with him. My mother had come to sit with me in the waiting room so that I didn't have to sit there alone...thanks Mom! I got back to see him and he was in pretty good spirits...laying back on the bed with his little blue stretchy hat on that everyone gets to style during surgery :) He was more upset that he was in a hospital gown....JUST a hospital gown....than anything else. The nurses were great and came over to let us know that the surgeon was running late and that there was 1 surgery in front of Steven's, so it would be awhile. Great...more waiting.

Finally at about 9am, the anesthesiologist and nurse came in and told him it was time to take him back. They were ready to begin. I gave my husband a kiss and told him I would see him in what would would seem like the blink of an eye for him. That's when it happened. My heart sank and I was the one getting nervous. What if there were complications? He has severe sleep apnea...what if he couldn't breathe when he came out of surgery? What if....what if.....? By this time my mom had to go to work because she had to be there by 9am, so there I was, sitting by myself in the waiting room....doing just that. Waiting. Wondering if everything was going okay...talking to a friend of mine about the horrible experience she had with an umbilical hernia repair by the same surgeon. Yikes. Probably didn't need to hear all of that, but I did ask :) The surgeon had said it would be about an hour. 9:55am rolls around and I start to get anxious that it's almost over. 10:00am gets here....no word. 10:05am...10:20am....10:30am....why is it taking so long? Was there a problem? Is no news good news? What would I do if something ever happened to him? I started pondering all of the worst case scenarios and thinking to myself...I don't think I could live without him. We fuss and fight and argue all the time. We get on each other's nerves. But in the end...we are the glue that holds each other together. We were meant to meet each other in August of 2006 because God had a plan. He had US in mind...and then Hunter. What would Hunter and I do without him? I couldn't even imagine. I continue to ponder this most horrific thought for about 10 minutes (knowing that the surgery was routine and likely was going just fine) when finally at 10:40am, the nurse came out and said that he was doing just fine and was in recovery.

Whew. What a weight lifted. He was fine. He was groggy and sore, but who wouldn't be after having your belly cut open and stiched back shut layer by layer after having something the size of your fist removed that had pushed it's way through your abdominal wall? They put mesh in to reinforce the strength of the wall so that hopefully, it won't ever happen again. With the mesh, there is less than a 5% chance of it happening again...as long as he takes it easy and follows his recovery instructions. For that, I am the drill sergeant. He doesn't want to wear the abdominal binder, or "man girdle" as he calls it, for a whole week. He doesn't see the point. I got the instructions out and showed him....1 week!

We are now 2 days post-op and he is doing great. Sore still of course, but up moving around and even walked to and from the mailbox yesterday. So proud of him. I'm going back to work this morning while Mom & Dad keep an eye on the little guy for me and Steven can rest. I'm a little nervous about leaving him for a few hours by himself, but I made him up a little bowl of soup that can be reheated so he doesn't have to worry about food. Going to make him a sandwich before I leave. Doing everything I can to make this easier for him and I want him to know that even though I'm a pain in the a** sometimes, I do love him and couldn't imagine life without him.

So in the end, all is well. He now has his "innie" bellybutton back. And I have my husband..safe and sound.

SS